What's Your "Southern" Astrological Sign?

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) 
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies. 

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) 
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. 

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20) 
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it. 

MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20) 

You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or - maybe not. 

POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21) 
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over. 

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) 
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads. 

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) 
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those round them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache. 

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) 
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies. 

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) 
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. 

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) 
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you. 

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) 
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies. 

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) 
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility. 

Which pet would go best with each sign?

ARIES: "Anything, as long as it's got a lot of energy!" 

TAURUS: "­ A turtle: it's slow-moving, doesn't need a lot of attention, and won't compete with its owner for food." 

GEMINI: "A talking parrot; need I say more? Well, of course I do, but--" 

CANCER: "Anything, as long as it needs to be nurtured." 

LEO: "­ A big, bold, ferocious feline, as long as it doesn't compete with its owner's place in the sun.." 

VIRGO: "Let's see, I have to get up at 7:30 to feed it, let it out at 7:45, at 10:00 I need to go to the grocery store to pick up three cans of food, which will cost $3.86, including tax--" 

LIBRA: "Hm, good question. One the one hand, a dog is active, affectionate, and companionable. On the other hand, a cat is pretty independent and won't require as much time and attention. Oh, I don't know. What would you do? Are you sure?" 

SCORPIO: " ­ A cat. Secretive, mysterious, and unpredictable. What's not to like?" 

SAGITTARIUS: "­ A horse, of course! Let¹s hope it's got enough stamina to keep up with me." 

CAPRICORN:"Do I have to pay for it?" 

AQUARIUS: "A hamster. First, I've got to set up a detailed cage with tubes going from here to here, and an energy sensor--they don't make anything like that? That's okay, I'm sure what I come up with will be much better." 

PISCES: "Fish. When their owner forgets about them for weeks on end, they're easy to replace. If Pisces remembers to replace them..." 

How Many of People of Your Zodiac Sign Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

                                 
ARIES: Just one. Wanna make something of it? 

TAURUS: Well, I prefer natural light if at all possible. Are you absolutely positive that lightbulb is burned out? I hate to throw it away if it still might be useful. 

GEMINI: Probably one is best, because if there are more than one, they'll get so wrapped up in talking to each other that they'll forget all about the lightbulb. 

CANCER:Only one, but three therapists will be needed to help with

the grieving process. OR: Only one, as long as his mommy holds his hand. 

LEO: Leos do not change their own lightbulbs. They find someone else to do it for them. 

VIRGO:1.11111119873, give or take .00000000000013%. 

LIBRA:Well, I could do it, unless of course you'd prefer to do it, but you look sort of busy right now. What do you want to do? 

SCORPIO: One, from across the room, if they've learned their teleporting lessons well enough. OR, thanks to one of our website visitors: None, because Scorpios aren't afraid of the dark. 

SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got the rest of our lives ahead of us and you're worrying about a stupid light bulb? 

CAPRICORN: I don't have time for these foolish jokes. 

AQUARIUS:Well, you see, energy is really matter and matter is really energy and light is a form of energy but the light bulb is matter, and-- 

PISCES: What light bulb?